Man, yesterday SUCKED. I don’t know why, but yesterday in particular, I was feeling extremely unsatisfied with my life and everything in it. Which doesn’t consist of much… hence the depression.
Work lately is pure garbage. I have to try and not let that self-righteous twit of a woman in my office get me down. It’s hard though. There’s a wall between her and I, literally, and half of my department is over there with her, and half is here. I’m positive they talk about me over there. I bitch about her to two people in the office only- after hours or in the kitchenette. *sigh* The bitching doesn’t really help anyways. She just sucks.
And now I’m so NOT looking forward to the Cookie Swap we do every year for the holidays, simply because she’s going to be involved. I think that I just won’t organize it. If they want it to happen, they’ll have to set it up. I’m done with extra curricular activities at work. I’m done with extra effort, period. I’m not helping anyone out. I’m going to do my job, and that’s it. It’s going to drive me crazy, but craziness due to banality is better than craziness due to rage. I hope, anyways.
I’m also extremely lonely. I don’t see a light at the end of this loneliness tunnel, either. I’ve given up hope of finding anyone to share my life with. A question was put forth last week at book club: “Do ugly people know they’re ugly?” “Yes,” I said, “they do.” I look at myself in the mirror on more occasions than I’d like to admit and look away very disappointed. I know that if I want to change the way I look, I’ve got to try. But it’s hard when there’s no external motivation. It’s all one big Catch 22. My whole life is one big Catch 22.
On a more positive note, Prison Break and Heroes were amazing last night. When Prison Break wrapped up, Bex and I cheered OUT LOUD. Like it was the Super Bowl or something. On second thought- the fact that television was the only thing that could make me smile yesterday is also kind of depressing.
This has been an extremely depressing post, and I apologize if I made anyone uncomfortable.